“I walk like a shriveled hippopotamus, I jog like a giraffe with charcoal knees, and I run like never.”

“I’m running a marathon. I won’t be jogging, walking, or sprinting, but I will be overseeing it.”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“I walk like I have tornadoes for legs. Let us make love like Kansas.”

“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“In a lot of ways I am like a duck. I love the water; I have large, web-like feet; and I could never kill a man, unless that man tasted like soggy bread and I decided to eat him.”