“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and make all the real estate agents in town jealous.”

“If a clock represented a pie chart, then I just ate a slice of apple pie so large it represents 33 minutes. That means I’m three minutes late for dinner!”

“I ate a slice of humble pie, and it tasted like apples.”

“Your fork is my shovel. I eat real estate and I drink coffee.”

“My shoes were all muddy, so before I walked in my friend's house I sprinkled grass clippings all over my feet and said, “Excuse the mess—I just stepped in real estate.” While the value of my words wasn’t like 2007 prices, it was still worth enough for him to let me in without making me take off my shoes.”

“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered Dyson. I figured it’d be a good gift for my girl, so she could stop sweeping the living room carpet.”

“I want to merge oven mitts with boxing gloves, so I could effectively, and safely, fight fires. After all, fire fighters make better lovers.”