“I want to be able to convert sunlight to iron, because your body needs it to live, particularly if an attacker is wielding a sword at you.”

“The morning came pouring down on my night, but luckily I was able to convert my erection into an umbrella.”

“The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it!”

“When you carry a gun, everything starts looking like a sword. If you pass the butter too quickly, I’m likely to shoot you. But even if you attack me, we can still be lovers.”

“I went to Bath and Body Works this morning, because I really needed a shower. Hygiene is important to society, I have discovered.”

“If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
”

“If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning.”