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Jarod Kintz - “I want to be an actor. I’ve already...”

“I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied to be a waiter.”

Jarod Kintz I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

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“I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes.”

Jarod Kintz This Book Has No Title

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.”

Jarod Kintz Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

“I’ve decided to cut back on my sugar intake by applying it externally, as a dermal abrasion.”

Jarod Kintz At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.”

Jarod Kintz 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

“I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up for adoption. ”

Jarod Kintz The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

“When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.”

Jarod Kintz If you bring the booze and food, I'll bring the thirst and hunger

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