“I want to be so successful that my secretary needs a secretary.”

“Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.”

“I told you I didn’t want to go. Of course, I really did want to go, but I just said I didn’t want to go so you’d beg me to go and I could feel needed. I’m needy like that.”

“Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.
”

“I need your compliments to feed my ego, because it’s bored of mac and cheese. And honestly, so am I.”

“I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet.”

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”