“I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.”

“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.”

“Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.”

“No more than two to a tricycle, please. When I said family fun, I didn’t mean this is a place to start a family. (Children over 65 eat free.)”

“An apple’s core principle it to not get eaten. And who wants to eat the core of an apple anyway?”

“I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.”

“While getting a haircut, I thought about my failed marriage. Instead of feeling bad, I thought I’d grow a beard, move to the mountains, and start over.”