“I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.”

“I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your life.”

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”

“I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover.”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”