“I want to give myself a ridiculous nickname. Something like “Knuckle Cock,” only not so flowery and romantic sounding.”

“I met two twins, each named Dakota. I nicknamed the older one North, and the younger one I called—you guessed it—Cock Tease.”

“I wanted a divorce, so I bought myself a house, to give me the incentive to stay married.”

“I like wearing gloves made of cheese (Swiss), and then going around asking elderly men if they want a knuckle sandwich.”

“Call me Bitter Otter. It’s just a nickname I gave myself. However, a better descriptive and more realistic name for myself would be Tangy Walrus.”

“I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open.”

“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.”