“I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician.”

“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five years ago I embarked on a journey that led me to this point, so five years from now I’d like to be six years older.”

“I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time with my two mistresses.”

“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all the politicians except Barney Frank, who’d actually derive pleasure from the experiment.”

“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all the clocks in my house, because they’re all five minutes fast and I want to know exactly how much time I have left so I can use it wisely.”

“I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”