“I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system already does.”

“I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming.”

“I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.”

“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all populations throughout time. Wait, I’m sorry, that’s not right. I was confusing a brick with a blanket. It’s a blanket that could be used for all those things. 
”

“My day starts like a regular guy’s. I wake up, drink raw eggs, run around Philadelphia, and punch raw slabs of meat. Wait, that’s not my story—that’s Rocky’s. I get us confused all the time.”

“I want to head up a committee to discuss how to properly head up committees. Our committee will sit at a round table and talk in circles all day long.”

“Doing autograph sessions all day is not what I signed up for. But that’s just all part of not being famous.”