“I want to name my son Justin Case. You know, just in case.”

“I like to keep a shotgun in my room for protection. You know, just in case my apartment gets broken into by a pack of deer, which is something I’m constantly worrying about.”

“I’m going to name my firstborn son 0123456789, because I want him to learn to count before he learns the alphabet. And my second son I’ll call 01, because I want him to get into computers at a young age.”

“Is there relationship insurance? You know, in case someone steals your significant other? If not, there should be.”

“I have a pet frog. He sleeps in a king-sized bed, just in case he happens to be an undercover prince.”

“It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.”

“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at a swanky restaurant. But I don’t have much influence, as you could tell if you saw the meal I was just given: two packets of saltine crackers and a glass of water (ice not included).”