“I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools.”

“I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't imagine being on the bottom.”

“When I was growing up, I’d walk to school in the snow. In Florida. Uphill all three ways.”

“Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t drop out, they were simply in elementary and middle schools.”

“Since pigs are anatomically similar to humans, dissecting one must be like cutting up a midget. And I haven’t done that since middle school.”

“In middle school, Renaldo was voted most likely to vote in a Presidential election. But he was the most obvious choice to receive that accolade, since he was the only 17-year-old at school.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”