“I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.”

“On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.”

“Should I masturbate before we meet up? I don’t want to be horny and thinking with my dick the whole time. I mean, it’s not like it’s a date. For Pete’s sake, it’s a job interview.”

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”

“I don’t put my name and address on the return address section of an envelope. I simply write “Surprise!”

“I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible.”

“I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.”