“I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.”

“I like mirrors as much as the next guy, except if the next guy is my clone.”

“A fuel pump is a fountain drink machine for cars. And people who want to save the environment and get drunk and run to work.”

“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives, but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.”

“I’d drive a thousand miles just to learn how to conserve gas and help save the environment. But that’s just who I am. I’m a thoughtful guy.
”

“I could have murdered a man today, but by not doing so I saved his life, and thus became a hero to myself. I’m like that all the time. Being heroic, I mean.”

“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If you want to watch, I just made popcorn.”