“I want to weigh less, not through diet and exercise, but by acquiring a faulty scale.”

“Get off the scale, and get out of my weigh.”

“A one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier.”

“I think you’re funny, and the toilet sounds like a soda can opening when it flushes. It’s a diet soda, so it’s less filling and more fattening.”

“I just weighed myself, and I thought I weighed 165, but it turns out I weigh 180. Wow! I’ve put on muscle mass and I haven’t even been working out at all!”

“I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and convert it from English to German and then publish the results as an exercise in the absurd.”

“I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.”