“I was eavesdropping, but I was so into what she was saying that when she said, I love you, I almost shouted it back from across the restaurant.”

“She said, “What?” so I replied, “What what?” She gave me a look that said, “What what what?” and I didn’t respond because I fell in love with her.”

“She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order?”

“She said “I love you,” and I said the only thing I could say: “How about every other Tuesday?”

“I have a recognition dance, to acknowledge that I heard and understood you. So when Savannah says she loves me, and I reply by doing the Charleston, I’m just trying to show my love for her.”

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”

“She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many pats on the back, accompanied by high flattery.”