“I was joking about my clones to my family when my uncle Herman said, “Don’t do that. Don’t make fun of yourself and others at the same time.” And he’s right. It is confusing. Am I mocking myself, or joking at the expense of someone else?”

“I don’t deceive myself. No, I get my clones to do it for me.”

“Do I look like someone you know? Well you don’t know me, so why don’t you go bother my clone? And if you do see my clone, tell him I should have made an omelet out of him when I had the chance.”

“I am what I am, and I don’t need to prove it—least of all to myself. And I’ll be damned if I ever answer to my clone. Who is he to question me?”

“As a person, I have to claim my persona as my own. If I don’t, my clone will do it for me.”

“My clone will have my mind, but I don’t mind. Two heads are better than one—especially when those two are one and the same.”

“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get 100% of 50%, while all the others have to share that other 50%.” This is the speech I’ve prepared to tell my wife in the future, when I’m spending a majority minus one percent of my time with my clones.”