“I was recently diagnosed with dyslexia and restless leg syndrome. The doctor arrived at this prognosis after my arm wouldn't stop shaking.”

“Sometimes I wear sunglasses while I urinate, and pretend that my pee is a solar laser beam that will cut through my pants and legs if a direct hit occurs. I'm sure glad I am only pretending though, because it wouldn't be fun to lose both my legs every day.”

“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talking?
”

“After a good run, my legs feel like Jell-O. Somebody get me a spoon and stick a fork in me.”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night. Oh, I didn’t have a foursome, but I did sleep with six prosthetic legs (I have a bad back).”

“It doesn’t matter how I arrive at my conclusions, so long as I reach my destination safe and sound. Especially sound.”

“All I know is I don’t know if I know, and this everlasting oscillation shakes my belief system.”