“I wash my hair with strawberry jelly, because my favorite thing to eat for breakfast is lunch. It’s never too late to love someone, but sometimes it is too early.”

“She had two blueberries for eyes, and hair the color of strawberries. Too bad our love never made it past the kitchen and into the bedroom (or garage).”

“I always leave the toilet seat up. It’s just easier to wash my hair that way.”

“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.”

“My favorite thing isn’t being the favorite to win—it’s being the underdog.”

“I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.”

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”