“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!”

“Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?”

“I've been able to sleep with my eyes open ever since I started watching baseball.”

“I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.”

“I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left ear that wasn’t soundproof).”

“I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.”

“I don’t just watch TV all day long. I also listen.”