“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.”

“I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.”

“I only get information from mutes, because they’re sure to keep things quiet.”

“I didn’t write this piece to attract a potential mate, as the title might lead a reader to believe. That said, I like long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, and watching silent movies at full volume and then screaming into the phone when anybody calls. If interested, please send a brief e-mail to [email protected] telling a little about yourself, and why you think I’m perfect for you.”

“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If you want to watch, I just made popcorn.”

“My initials are J.O.K., and then there is a silent "E" on the end. And not only is it silent, but it's also invisible.”

“If I’m having a conversation with my clone, am I having an interior dialogue externally?”