“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness.
”

“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am with no coffee.”

“My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.”

“My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing an acorn brown shirt, my eyes look like squirrel fur. And if I’m wearing no shirt at all, my eyes look more nude and flesh-colored. I guess my ex girlfriend, Zelda, said it best when her friend asked her what I look like and she said: “He looks like you’d imagine him to look like, if you had no imagination.”

“If I were to assign a color combination to my love for you, it would be purple and brown, because you are a royal pain in the ass.”

“I just bought a can of brown paint. It’s more expensive than coffee, but I really hit the wall after I chug it.”

“I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks.”