“I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't imagine being on the bottom.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”

“Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!”

“There are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.”

“I don't believe in colleges and universities. I believe in libraries because most students don't have any money. When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money. I couldn't go to college, so I went to the library three days a week for 10 years.”

“I failed angst in high school. They let me graduate anyway.”