“I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.”

“I went to visit my dad. He didn’t say a word to me. Or if he did, I couldn’t hear it through the grass, the dirt, and his coffin lid.”

“My motto is: If I didn’t do it first, I want to do it better. Boy, I sure hope none of my clones will have the same motto.”

“I’d never trust a surgeon who didn’t wear gloves when he operated. Even if those gloves he didn’t wear were boxing gloves. He might as well, because I know he’s going to beat me up over the price.”

“He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party.”

“His last name was Chew, and I didn’t care if he was Asian, I still screamed, “Not with your mouth open!”

“If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. But what can I do? I’m an honorable guy.”