“I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car accelerates.”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank. So I at least profited there. That makes me appreciate my depreciation more.”

“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine.
”

“My gas tank is on empty, but my erection is on full. Still, it would be wise to stop the car before I pump.”

“My uncle just dropped in to see me, but his parachute didn't open up. So now we're waiting on the ambulance to come pick him up. (Hey, I would have drove him to the hospital, but gas prices are too high!)”

“I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.”

“The passenger door was wide open, nobody was around, and a purse was inside. Was this a trap? It seemed too good to be true. Temptation overtook me, so I reached in the car, popped the trunk, and closed myself in. Boy, the owner of the car was sure in for a surprise. And he got it too—two days later. With no food, water, or cell phone on me, I nearly lost my life, and my job. I showed up late to work, but they didn’t believe me when I said I was stuck in traffic for 48 hours.”