“I wish I could climb the corporate ladder like I could climb a tree, but I can’t, because I’m afraid of heights. And bark.”

“In bed, I could climb in, if you ever rest. Then I could mount you like Everest.”

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”

“I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out.”

“I had to close the door on our friendship, because he kept climbing in through my window.”

“I’m 6’3”, but you would think I was Napoleon’s height because I’m slouched over with poor posture, and I have a lust for conquering Europe.”

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day long.”