“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all the politicians except Barney Frank, who’d actually derive pleasure from the experiment.”

“I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which would be used for comedians. And politicians.”

“I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician.”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”

“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
”

“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.”

“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.”