“I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.”

“I crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage. Then I quickly snatched it out, because hell, I’d just tossed out a Frank Gehry knockoff. What you call trash, I call architecture.”

“I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out.”

“If I were the King’s official mapmaker, I’d also be the second largest landholder (after the King, of course). Would I own the land? Of course—just look at all the official maps.”

“If I tried to mail our love, it’s irregular shape and unknowable dimensions would make it difficult to box up. That’s why I’d chop it up and stuff it in a garbage bag, like it was a common body that needed to be dumped. Speaking of that, my neighbor hasn’t seen my other neighbor in days, and he was asking too many questions. Looks like I’ll need to get out another trash sack.
”

“If I were king, I wouldn’t pay you the money I owe you. I’d give you a far more valuable gift: the gift of life—your own. Yes, you’d get to keep it!”

“If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace the one I just wasted wishing for something I already had.”