“I wonder what city Grover Cleveland is from. Probably Cincinnati.”

“The inhabitants of Cincinnati are proud of their city as one of the most interesting in America: and with good reason.”

“People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland.
”

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”

“Cincinnati is a beautiful city; cheerful, thriving, and animated. I have not often seen a place that commends itself so favourably and pleasantly to a stranger at the first glance as this does.”

“The old folk from Indiana and Iowa and Illinois, from Boston and Kansas City and Des Moines, they sold their homes and their stores, and they came here by train and by automobile to the land of sunshine, to die in the sun, with just enough money to live until the sun killed them, tore themselves out by the roots in their last days, deserted the smug prosperity of Kansas City and Chicago and Peoria to find a place in the sun. And when they got here they found that other and greater thieves had already taken possession, that even the sun belonged to the others; Smith and Jones and Parker, druggist, banker, baker, dust of Chicago and Cincinnati and Cleveland on their shoes, doomed to die in the sun, a few dollars in the bank, enough to subscribe to the Los Angeles Times, enough to keep alive the illusion that this was paradise, that their little papier-mâché homes were castles.”