“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they were looking out for my best interest. How refreshing it’d be to see a politician honest enough to admit he’s dishonest.”

“I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.”

“What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.”

“When I hear a politician has died in a car accident, I think, “How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a small dent, it makes me want to cry out to God in despair.”

“I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.”

“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest.
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