“I wouldn't mind showering in the rain, if there weren't so many naked men holding umbrellas standing behind me. Who invited Congress?”

“I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
”

“After a shower, I like to let gravity and evaporation dry me off as I stretch out naked in the sun on my neighbor’s porch.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth.”

“I stood under the umbrella for hours before I folded it up and started walking. Umbrellas can block the sun, shield the rain, and if you flip an open one over, it can also be used as a large coffee cup.”

“If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like it was a circular shower handle, and toggle between hot and cold a few times. But I won’t get naked for you.”

“I have extremely great aim when it comes to peeing. I can, for instance, manage to not splash a single drop on the rim of the toilet, even when standing five feet away and from behind the shower curtain.”