“I wrote half this book (the left half) while I was asleep, and I wrote the other half (the top half) while daydreaming. So here we have a case where two halves equal one quarter, which is about what this book is worth—give or take 25 cents.”

“The book wasn’t half bad. But only because I only read half of it.”

“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m also always half in love, from my waist down.”

“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.”

“I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.”

“If I had a half, I’d split it in half and share it with you. That’s love. Then I’d go find the other half and enjoy the whole thing by myself.”

“Love is the color of red inverted. At least that’s what Gunnar Greenlove told me, and I believe him because he’s from an island where half the people tell only the truth and half tell only lies. Not only that, but the island has a population of two, and I am the other inhabitant.”