“I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a lover and a fisherman. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, if you want to take off your pants and wash up.”

“If I had my clone take a test for me, it’s likely I’d misspell my own name. And I’m terrible at remembering people’s names—even if that person is me.”

“I’d Poe’s nude for the approval of a dead poet. No names come to mind, but I’m sure there must be one I’d get naked for.”

“I’d collaborate with my clones, because I’m a team player who wants all the credit.”

“I’m stoic like a statue of Stonewall Jackson. I’d make a great U.S. President, but I’d make an even better chiseled piece of marble—and that’s what makes me such an amazing lover.”

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.”

“How many midgets does it take to take over the world? I’m not sure, but I’d guess twice as many.”