“I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don’t have any friends.”

“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”

“Scars exist to show that I existed. I myself don’t have any scars, but every single one of my friends has a healed up knife wound deep in their back.
”

“If I didn’t have any pants on, I’d let you taste my pantslessness.”

“My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person.”

“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.”

“I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could feel overdressed by showing too much skin).”