“I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman.”

“If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles. Round trip, not one way.”

“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. 
”

“If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.”

“After they broke up, Renaldo's ex girlfriend said to never again date an older woman. And he wisely listened to her, because his mother only had his best interest in mind.”

“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying to live a long life by reading the ingredients of the foods you buy.”

“Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?”