“I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.”

“I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be productive, I’d be reproductive.”

“I’m stoic like a statue of Stonewall Jackson. I’d make a great U.S. President, but I’d make an even better chiseled piece of marble—and that’s what makes me such an amazing lover.”

“What you’d call stealing, I’d call a mistake. Or, if I were a politician, I’d call it an opportunity, and my privilege.”

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”

“I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pure talent.”

“A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.
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