“I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.”

“If my name were Mark Twain, I’d write under the pseudonym “Samuel Clemens.”

“If my name were Entist, I’d probably be a dentist. If my name were Dennis, I’d probably be into tennis. And if my name were Funnalingus, well, I’ll let you figure out what I’d enjoy.”

“If my name were Isaac Newton, would I be a famous no name? I’d have worldwide and historical name recognition, yet I’d be anonymous.”

“This world is nothing more than fresh white underwear, and I’m going to leave my mark on it.”

“If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous of myself?”

“I’d make a good groom, if my last name were McBride.”