“I’d rather have a career that utilizes my creativity, but torturing people all day long is not a bad gig. At least not for me.”

“Sitting on my ass all day long is fun and all, but I’d rather sit on your ass. More padding, like an overstuffed sofa.”

“If love smelled like cheese, as some people assume it does, then I'd rather be a goat and make love all day long.”

“Would you rather have sight, or insight? I’d rather have a double cheeseburger.”

“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.”

“I’d rather play with small quantities of large people than large quantities of small people.”

“I’d rather ride a unicorn than a unicycle. But my enemies, they could all ride a unicycle with a horn instead of a seat.”