“Ideas are like legs: what good are they if you can't run with them, or spread them?”

“After a good run, my legs feel like Jell-O. Somebody get me a spoon and stick a fork in me.”

“Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.”

“Most people fight with their fists. But I fight with my legs. I fight to stay, but they fight to run. Luckily for them, I don't fight very hard.”

“You’re as likely to see me sleeping on the job as a snooze is liable to grow legs 26.2 miles long and run a larm. What’s a larm? A buzzing sound the length of a marathon, but I always sleep through them—including the one in Boston.”

“Friends, like fingers, are only good if you can count on them, as well as point them in the right direction.”

“Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. These women are worse than whores. These women are politicians.”