“If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask her if that includes parking.”

“Can I park my horse in the handicapped parking space? It is gimpy and sort of crippled.”

“She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up.”

“If a woman says she got a bad haircut, and I agree with her, am I being agreeable, or an asshole?”

“I don’t want to ever see her again, because I want to always remember her as she was—young and beautiful. She won't remember, because she was 88 when we met and suffering from dementia.”

“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.”

“She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible.”