“If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles. Round trip, not one way.”

“It was silly, but I couldn’t let go of the hope that one day he’d walk in, look at me, smile and maybe popby my table to have a chat where I would boggle his mind with my brilliance. I’d charm him with mymanner. Then he’d ask me out on a date. At the end of which, maybe, hopefully, I’d finally be able totouch his hair (amongst other things).This never happened.”

“Are you here to freak me out in any other way?""Nope.""This would include asking me for a date," I warned."Babe, don't date," he replied."You don't?""Do tequila shots followed by 5 hours of sex count as a date? he asked."Um... no," I answered."Then I don't date."I smiled at him.Then, stupidly, I asked. "You can have sex for 5 hours?"He smiled at me.Yikes.Moving on.”

“We were so close to home now, I would have tripped an old woman with a cane if she'd stood in the way of the first available chair.”

“At the end of the first date, I got my courage up and I made a move. One U-Haul van and 1,500 miles later, I regretted my boldness.”

“Tell me," Wittgenstein's asked a friend, "why do people always say, it was natural for man to assume that the sun went round the earth rather than that the earth was rotating?" His friend replied, "Well, obviously because it just looks as though the Sun is going round the Earth." Wittgenstein replied, "Well, what would it have looked like if it had looked as though the Earth was rotating?”