“If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer to drive, and the volume of speeding tickets I have shows I'm qualified to get there in a rush.”

“I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’t bump her head around.”

“If I had a vulva, I’d let you drive it like a Volvo. It’s all about safety. You could probably park on the street, but you might get a ticket.”

“I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmother would learn how to drive.”

“Why do old people drive slow? They have the least amount of time left on earth, so you’d think they’d drive the fastest, to make the best use of what little time they have.”

“It’s not that I don’t have the drive to succeed, but rather I don’t have the gas.”

“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your living room carpet.”