“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy Choos, and not have a single foot to put one on.”

“I remember in elementary school, Mother used to write my name on every single pair of my underwear. I guess she did that so none of my classmates would mistake my lunch for theirs.”

“My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.”

“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been that way for 2,000 years.”

“I feel like having another thigh and calf would give me a leg up on my competition.”

“If I can just find my wife’s foot under the covers, I know everything will be OK. Then I can put that foot where I hid the rest of her body.”

“Is a one foot by one foot piece of cloth a blanket? What about if you rotate it all over your body throughout the night like it was Colorado and you were the continental US?”