“If footballs were the size of acorns, they’d be easy to lose in the forest. Virginity is also easy to lose in the forest, and mine, believe it or not, was shaped like an acorn.”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.”

“Good friends are like appendages. It's painful to lose one, and crippling to lose two or more.”

“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.”

“I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser.”