“If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would die to save two more like them.”

“There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't.”

“A lot of people like wife swapping. I've got such a great wife I would only swap with a Mormon. It'd have to be a two-for-one deal.”

“A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them.
”

“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”

“On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.
”

“I would rather save a few seconds than a few cents. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m saving them in your sofa cushions.”