“If I had a choice between walking along a sidewalk with no rails and a thousand foot drop, or jumping in a tank full of blood and sharks, I’d choose the sharks.”

“If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now.”

“Sharks are so stupid. They swam right up to the boat, and they couldn’t even tell that I was chumming the water with ketchup, rather than blood.”

“Sometimes I put on a black scuba suit and go walking on the beach, to relax. If I could, I’d sleep in a scuba suit—on a waterbed. Not that I actually ever get in the ocean. Too many dangerous things in the water, like barracudas, sharks, and of course there are many lawyers here on the east coast.”

“A brick could be used as bait for the vampire shark. Since nobody’s ever seen a vampire shark, let alone caught one, I think it would be unreasonable to dismiss the idea entirely.
”

“You have to slow down with this woman, because the moment she slows down and stops, she’ll die. She’s like a shark.” That’s what I told Renaldo, but how was I to know his girlfriend was literally a shark?”

“Walking along the sidewalk and staring at the street, I couldn’t help but wonder if my date was thinking how provocative the term “manhole cover” is.”