“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So it was just one napkin, and I wiped my mouth with it after I was done.”

“It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.”

“I’ll only blow my nose into green handkerchiefs. Why? Because all my brown hankies are reserved for wiping my ass.”

“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?”

“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.”

“Everybody who is 100 was at one time 25. But not everybody who is 25 will live to see 100. Likewise, everyone who has a big nose at onetime had a small nose. However, not everyone with a small nose also has a small penis.”