“If I had a necklace made out of tiny suns, I’d only wear it at night when you could really see it. Sadly, I don’t have a necklace like that. The closest thing I have is a necklace made out of those glow in the dark stars you stick to bedroom ceilings. But I only wear that on special occasions, like bedtime. 
”

“Do I look like someone you know? Well you don’t know me, so why don’t you go bother my clone? And if you do see my clone, tell him I should have made an omelet out of him when I had the chance.”

“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon. I make love like a vampire, only entirely different and without completely filling up movie theaters with spectators.”

“My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.”

“The way the crotch of my jeans are constructed makes it look like I have an erection when I don’t. That’s why I wear Spandex—so the whole world can see exactly when I’m stiff.”

“As long as you are wearing a hat made out of shingles, you’ll always have a roof over your head.”

“If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.”