“If I had a street named after me, I’d carry that around instead of a driver’s license for ID. You are what’s named after you.”

“Birthdays, like women named Bertha, are not named after great Aunt Natalie. But you, Natalie, just might be. I’m named after my uncle Birthday, who never had one since he died in the womb.”

“I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy named Dave.”

“My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.”

“If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.”

“My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.”

“If I had my clone take a test for me, it’s likely I’d misspell my own name. And I’m terrible at remembering people’s names—even if that person is me.”