“If I shake your hand, and then jack off, it’s as if you gave me an indirect handjob.
”

“It’s not really masturbating if you’re jacking your clone off. It’s more like politics.”

“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.”

“Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.”

“I once got a handjob from a glove. I miss the 80s.”

“I’m unemployed, so I’m seeking a handjob.”

“It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like winners.”